It's getting hard to figure out who you need to please. Going back and forth between what people and things require of you, and what you really need to be doing for yourself is a huge item. What also seems to be coming up is the fact that you're finally coming to terms with all the water that has gone under the bridge. Until now, your life has been one long emergency. As the dust settles on what you've had to live through, delayed emotional responses are bringing up all kinds of stuff. It's high time.
As the truth comes to light you will get a clearer sense of where to go from here. You've managed to come out on top of a situation that had "train wreck" written all over it. Plowing through the wreckage is where it's at for many of you. Making sense of it all will see you needing to patch up some of the things that got damaged on the way.
As you work through the issues that put you in this position, getting real about where you went wrong and being strong enough to learn from your mistakes is bound to change your behavior and create a whole new set of rules for your relationships. This is an intense and mind-blowing process.
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Go easy on yourself. You'd do well to keep an eye on what you want from people who have no way to fulfill your expectations. It's easy to project what you think needs to be going on onto other people.
The problem is they are not living your version of reality. More than anything, it's your turn to get the picture when it comes to giving them all the space and time in the world to do what they need to do for themselves.
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You could argue that you only have their best interests in mind but if you think about it for five minutes, you have absolutely no idea what their best interests are at this point. It isn't hard to see how much you care. In some cases it might make a difference, but, in the long run you could find yourself regretting the fact that you wasted so much of yourself on something that didn't pan out. This is about finding out what people are made of. Having placed your bets on whoever is sitting on this pedestal, in your quieter moments the thought that you gave them way more credit than they deserved nips at your heels.
In the midst of the deepest wish to make all of this take a happy turn, there is a whiff of narcissism in the room that could mess up everything. Once you stop looking for results you will get where you need to go. The idea that something needs to happen, in a certain way, at a certain time makes you the biggest obstacle to your own success.
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So much of who you are is stuck on the idea that your master plan is the only possible approach, when in fact the way things turn out finds its own way, and has its own rhythm. It would be good to stop pushing long enough to bring the best possible outcome to bear on things that have either gone over the top, or that have been made too complicated by previous mistakes in judgment.
There is some third-party interference that is making it hard to get the job done. Either that or it's making it hard to get your needs met.
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